Theory hatched in hell

A recent Salt Lake Tribune editorial observed that the North Carolina Legislature, rebuffed by the state Supreme Court in its efforts to gerrymander, has appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court.

You noted that North Carolina supports a concept called the “independent state legislature theory,” which would destroy democratic principles established by the U.S. Constitution. Because many in Utah believe that the Constitution was established by God, it seems perfectly normal that we should ask from whence cometh this theory that would eviscerate democracy?

To the best of my knowledge, here’s the answer: The independent state legislature theory is a concept hatched in the darkest corner of hell — in fact, not far from a shanty reserved for Donald Trump — and was sent forth by Lucifer himself in the form of a putrid vapor that wafted through perdition’s borders, drifted toward our galaxy and eventually distilled on the lobby floor of the North Carolina Capitol where a custodian fully intended to wipe up the foul mess but became distracted by a perky young thing in a tight T-shirt, thereby allowing it to ooze onto the floor of that state’s House and Senate where it resembled manure upon a pasture, although without the benefit of gentle breezes that often make manure-covered pastures more bearable, and from which it has been recently scooped up and deposited at the U.S. Supreme Court.

Although some of the particulars noted above may be difficult to corroborate, I’m confident that the general idea is entirely correct.

Steve Warren

West Valley City